Mr. Taffy and the Infinite Swagger
Mr. Taffy, the apologetic giraffe, was late for work again! This time, however, he couldn't except the blame! It certainly wasn't his fault. While walking across Savannah st., he had been rear ended by by a massive, yet sensitive and understanding, Hippopotamus named Mr. Hippo and, while the exchange of information went quite smoothly so that Mr. Hippo could pay for the repairs to Mr. Taffy's damaged rear end, the time it took pretty much insured that Mr. Taffy would be late.
"Oh for crying our loud!" Taffy's boss, Mr. Jones, had said to Kora the Donkey, who was indeed crying out loud. "You know how Mr. Taffy is! He always comes in late. He'll be here soon enough and you'll start your work, okay?" Kora nodded as she huffed and wiped her tears. Then, as if it had been choreographed, the two slowly turned their heads to Mr. Taffy as he smiled an apologetic smile. "I'm so very sorry" he cautiously remarked, "A Hippo rear ended my rear end this morning. I didn't intend to keep you waiting." "It's always something!" Barked Mr. Jones. "Look, Mr. Taffy, you have to be here on time or Kora is going to continue to have these nervous breakdowns! Understood!?" Mr. Taffy gave him a somber nod as as Kora continued to sob in the corner.
After work, Mr. Taffy walked home thinking long and hard about his predicament. How will I ever get to work faster? He thought. A giraffe gets up the same time everyday! No earlier, no later. It's a giraffe thing! And it WAS a giraffe thing. Every giraffe in Mr. Taffy's family would awake at 7:47am on the nose, but running to work wasn't an option because they could only run about a half a mile or so before collapsing due to heat exhaustion. "Oh how inconvenient!" Mr. Taffy whined to himself, "being a giraffe is the absolute worst!" “Not worse than being a hyena”, sighed the middle aged hyena that slumped beside him, giggling every few steps. “Oh stop it!” Mr. Taffy snapped, “You hyenas have a great time! Always laughing!” The hyena stared towards the ground, “Not on the inside. Heh. Heh. Ugh.” He grunted as he turned down a side street.
When Mr. Taffy made it home, he observed his son, Lil Taffs, banging and clanging on a heap of metal in the garage. Lil Taffs, unlike his father, had a keen interest in invention, which peppered every aspect of their home life, from their toaster made from coat hangers and aerosol cans, to the neck massage XL that Lil Taffs constructed from 12 meat tenderizers, 10 rolling pins, 8 plungers, and a vibrating stuffed animal. Whatever he was working on at this point, however, was a complete mystery to Mr. Taffy. “Pops. Wassup?” Lil Taffs inquired with a nonchalant swagger of magnanimous proportions. “Work, Lil Taffs! I just can’t ever make it on time!” Mr. Taffy whined. “Cool”, Lil Taffs hummed before going back to whatever he was tinkering with. “It’s NOT cool!” Mr. Taffy shouted. He and his son often had differences of opinion, but it wasn’t normally over something so important to him. If only he could let his son know just how important this was to him. If only Lil Taffs could know how tortured he was over it! Mr. Taffy returned to the Garage, peeking his long neck into the opened door. “It’s VERY important to me!” he barked defiantly. “Gotcha” Lil Taffs hummed with a far away coolness that was too distant for his father to reach. Mr. Taffy, giving up, travelled up the stairs to his bedroom and went straight to bed, hoping that tomorrow he would do the impossible and wake up early.
At exactly 7:47am, Mr. Taffy the giraffe woke up in a panic. He’d be late again! “Muffins!!” he screamed in frustration, fumbling out of his bedroom just as his son was emerging from his. “Oh Son!” Mr. Taffy cried (rather dramatically) “Don’t be late for school! Don’t be like your old man!” Mr. Taffy tore down the hallway, tumbled down the stairs and burst through the front door as Lil Taffs stared. “Won’t be” he yawned with maximum morning time swagger before pouring himself a bowl of delicious top leaf cereal.
As Mr. Taffy made his way down the driveway, he spotted something he’d never seen before. A contraption of gears and wheels and handle bars and pedals. A most wonderfully quirky machine, obviously the work of Lil Taffs. On it, he found a note: ‘For Pops’ the envelope stated. He opened it, pulling a small card from the inside, “Ride :)” Mr. Taffy thought this request to be quite peculiar. He circled the contraption looking for a clue as to how he would ride it. Slowly, after remembering the see-saws of his youth, Mr. Taffy, grabbed both handle bars and slowly stretched his right leg over the small seat. A slow smile creeped upon his lips as he sat comfortably on the new contraption. “Cool” he whispered to himself as he pushed his right foot forward on the pedal, which seemed to propel him much farther than he’d expected. When the contraption began to slow down, he found that it would begin to wobble, so he kept it at a consistent speed by propelling both pedals evenly. He soon found that it was quite easy to keep his new ‘Taffcycle” riding as smoothly as a buttered up penguin down an icy mountainside. “Waaay Cooool”, Mr. Taffy smirked, picking up speed. As he twisted through the jungle streets, he soon found himself passing the same slumping hyena from the day before, “Hey Hyena!” Mr. Taffy shouted as the hyena slowly turned his head, sighing a deep sigh. “Bet you wish you had one of these!” Mr. Taffy cackled. “Oh I do!” The hyena giggled with tears in his eyes.
When the rest of his coworkers began to come into work, Mr. Taffy had already been there for 7 minutes. “Wow Mr. Taffy!!” Mr. Jones shouted with an inexplicably large grin on his face, “Nice and early! I didn’t think you’d be able to!” “All good” Mr. Taffy smirked, still feeling the adrenaline from his excellent ride. “Oh my!” Mr. Jones gasped. “Is that a new found swagger I’m detecting??” “Maybe so”, Mr. Taffy replied with a calm confidence. “I had time to stop and get donuts as well. Everyone enjoy” Mr. Taffy added, pointing to a box on his desk. “HOORAY!!!”, everyone shouted with the kind of reckless abandon that only a room full of donut eating lunatics can muster.
Kora, unfortunately, was late that day, but it didn’t bother Mr. Taffy one bit.
Mr. Taffy, the apologetic giraffe, was late for work again! This time, however, he couldn't except the blame! It certainly wasn't his fault. While walking across Savannah st., he had been rear ended by by a massive, yet sensitive and understanding, Hippopotamus named Mr. Hippo and, while the exchange of information went quite smoothly so that Mr. Hippo could pay for the repairs to Mr. Taffy's damaged rear end, the time it took pretty much insured that Mr. Taffy would be late.
"Oh for crying our loud!" Taffy's boss, Mr. Jones, had said to Kora the Donkey, who was indeed crying out loud. "You know how Mr. Taffy is! He always comes in late. He'll be here soon enough and you'll start your work, okay?" Kora nodded as she huffed and wiped her tears. Then, as if it had been choreographed, the two slowly turned their heads to Mr. Taffy as he smiled an apologetic smile. "I'm so very sorry" he cautiously remarked, "A Hippo rear ended my rear end this morning. I didn't intend to keep you waiting." "It's always something!" Barked Mr. Jones. "Look, Mr. Taffy, you have to be here on time or Kora is going to continue to have these nervous breakdowns! Understood!?" Mr. Taffy gave him a somber nod as as Kora continued to sob in the corner.
After work, Mr. Taffy walked home thinking long and hard about his predicament. How will I ever get to work faster? He thought. A giraffe gets up the same time everyday! No earlier, no later. It's a giraffe thing! And it WAS a giraffe thing. Every giraffe in Mr. Taffy's family would awake at 7:47am on the nose, but running to work wasn't an option because they could only run about a half a mile or so before collapsing due to heat exhaustion. "Oh how inconvenient!" Mr. Taffy whined to himself, "being a giraffe is the absolute worst!" “Not worse than being a hyena”, sighed the middle aged hyena that slumped beside him, giggling every few steps. “Oh stop it!” Mr. Taffy snapped, “You hyenas have a great time! Always laughing!” The hyena stared towards the ground, “Not on the inside. Heh. Heh. Ugh.” He grunted as he turned down a side street.
When Mr. Taffy made it home, he observed his son, Lil Taffs, banging and clanging on a heap of metal in the garage. Lil Taffs, unlike his father, had a keen interest in invention, which peppered every aspect of their home life, from their toaster made from coat hangers and aerosol cans, to the neck massage XL that Lil Taffs constructed from 12 meat tenderizers, 10 rolling pins, 8 plungers, and a vibrating stuffed animal. Whatever he was working on at this point, however, was a complete mystery to Mr. Taffy. “Pops. Wassup?” Lil Taffs inquired with a nonchalant swagger of magnanimous proportions. “Work, Lil Taffs! I just can’t ever make it on time!” Mr. Taffy whined. “Cool”, Lil Taffs hummed before going back to whatever he was tinkering with. “It’s NOT cool!” Mr. Taffy shouted. He and his son often had differences of opinion, but it wasn’t normally over something so important to him. If only he could let his son know just how important this was to him. If only Lil Taffs could know how tortured he was over it! Mr. Taffy returned to the Garage, peeking his long neck into the opened door. “It’s VERY important to me!” he barked defiantly. “Gotcha” Lil Taffs hummed with a far away coolness that was too distant for his father to reach. Mr. Taffy, giving up, travelled up the stairs to his bedroom and went straight to bed, hoping that tomorrow he would do the impossible and wake up early.
At exactly 7:47am, Mr. Taffy the giraffe woke up in a panic. He’d be late again! “Muffins!!” he screamed in frustration, fumbling out of his bedroom just as his son was emerging from his. “Oh Son!” Mr. Taffy cried (rather dramatically) “Don’t be late for school! Don’t be like your old man!” Mr. Taffy tore down the hallway, tumbled down the stairs and burst through the front door as Lil Taffs stared. “Won’t be” he yawned with maximum morning time swagger before pouring himself a bowl of delicious top leaf cereal.
As Mr. Taffy made his way down the driveway, he spotted something he’d never seen before. A contraption of gears and wheels and handle bars and pedals. A most wonderfully quirky machine, obviously the work of Lil Taffs. On it, he found a note: ‘For Pops’ the envelope stated. He opened it, pulling a small card from the inside, “Ride :)” Mr. Taffy thought this request to be quite peculiar. He circled the contraption looking for a clue as to how he would ride it. Slowly, after remembering the see-saws of his youth, Mr. Taffy, grabbed both handle bars and slowly stretched his right leg over the small seat. A slow smile creeped upon his lips as he sat comfortably on the new contraption. “Cool” he whispered to himself as he pushed his right foot forward on the pedal, which seemed to propel him much farther than he’d expected. When the contraption began to slow down, he found that it would begin to wobble, so he kept it at a consistent speed by propelling both pedals evenly. He soon found that it was quite easy to keep his new ‘Taffcycle” riding as smoothly as a buttered up penguin down an icy mountainside. “Waaay Cooool”, Mr. Taffy smirked, picking up speed. As he twisted through the jungle streets, he soon found himself passing the same slumping hyena from the day before, “Hey Hyena!” Mr. Taffy shouted as the hyena slowly turned his head, sighing a deep sigh. “Bet you wish you had one of these!” Mr. Taffy cackled. “Oh I do!” The hyena giggled with tears in his eyes.
When the rest of his coworkers began to come into work, Mr. Taffy had already been there for 7 minutes. “Wow Mr. Taffy!!” Mr. Jones shouted with an inexplicably large grin on his face, “Nice and early! I didn’t think you’d be able to!” “All good” Mr. Taffy smirked, still feeling the adrenaline from his excellent ride. “Oh my!” Mr. Jones gasped. “Is that a new found swagger I’m detecting??” “Maybe so”, Mr. Taffy replied with a calm confidence. “I had time to stop and get donuts as well. Everyone enjoy” Mr. Taffy added, pointing to a box on his desk. “HOORAY!!!”, everyone shouted with the kind of reckless abandon that only a room full of donut eating lunatics can muster.
Kora, unfortunately, was late that day, but it didn’t bother Mr. Taffy one bit.